She Says

Is it Spring yet?

(This post was started a week ago. Then Natalie got sick for a week. Now she is better. I am sick. Booo Germs.)

First, for all you Easterners worn out by the bevy of snow we've received this winter, I would like to remind you of what I believe Ghandi once said, "The journey of shoveling one's driveway begins with one God-Damn shovel-full"

With that, onto the Natalie-ism...

Recently I was making French toast for Sunday breakfast. Natalie was very excited because as she put it "French Toast? I haven't had that for a long time!" As if our mission in life is to deprive her of tasty breakfast foods.

She asked to immediately get into her booster seat so she could await her special breakfast. After a full twenty seconds passed she looked up from her seat, very concerned, and asked exasperatedly,

"Dada, has my toast been Frenched yet?"

I spent the rest of the day asking Sara if she had been Frenched yet.

She laughed so hard each time I asked, that it was at least noon before I actually succeeded...

All I Want for Christmas...

Stay cool at Christmas, kids...stay cool.

Sara and I have begun our yearly winter talks: the absurdly lengthy discussions in which we make Holiday travel plans, decide what we should ask for, and most importantly, what to get Natalie.

Our negotiations over what we should request are much longer than they should be because when it comes to Holiday desires, Sara is practical (boring) while I am impractical (childish). So we debate if we should ask for various Wii games or a set of dishes. If only you could be a fly on the wall, you'd get so bored you'd hurl yourself repeatedly against the windowpane until you passed out. Then you'd smile with sweet macabre insect relief when you were scooped up and thrown outside to the birds.

When our discussion turns to Natalie it is less a debate about what she wants and more about what she actually needs. She is the only grandchild and the only niece/nephew on either side of our families, so she doesn't lack for much. In fact, we may need to add a wing to the house in order to shelve her books (Damn you Dr. Seuss). Last year we asked for art supplies and dress-up clothes and after our families were through, one might believe our house belonged to a struggling artist who likes to dress up in princess outfits...

I may be a struggling artist but I prefer fairy costumes...

This year the inquiries about what to get Natalie have begun. I've been informed that Black Friday is less than two weeks away. Since Natalie is three now and totally anticipating Christmas, last night over dinner we asked what's on her wish-list.

Her response:

"Well, um, I think I might want a rattle."

This surprised us, so we dug a little deeper...

"A rattle?"

"Well, what I think I want is two Jingle bells, so I can sing that song. You know the Jingle Bell song"

"Ah" We said, smiling and loving our sweet little elf even more.

She then explained, "Maybe I would also like a friend for 'Barbie Bunny', (for the inquisitive reader: Barbie Bunny is a large bunny given to Natalie by her great-grandmother that they stuffed together. She was completed with a tiny little pillow-heart) cause when I play with Barbie Bunny she doesn't have any friends who like to play with her, so maybe I would want a friend like her, but wearing a purple outfit" (Barbie Bunny wears pink)

At this point we had melted into our mashed potatoes.

She followed with, "And also it would be good to have a baby-doll to go with the other dolls (she was referring to her set of nesting dolls which are currently missing the tiniest doll, which could be lodged under something or may have run the gamut of Fenway's intestines and currently be somewhere in our yard, or better yet the neighbor's yard, decomposing) cause we lost the baby doll...so for now...it would be good to have another baby doll to go with the nesting dolls...for now."

She really wanted to clarify that this baby would just be a temporary substitute for the lost infant and not a permanent member of the nesting doll community.

She then wowed us completely by adding, "And I think that's all I need right now, cause that would be a lot of presents."

At this point I experienced my first "lahury", which I have coined as an abbreviation for any time you simultaneously want to laugh, give someone a hug, and cry. She was so serious and so adorable.

I could try to make some larger point here about remembering what Christmas is truly about, about remembering to ask for only what we need, about counting our blessings no matter how tiny.

Instead I'm going to count my own tiny blessing and give my daughter a gigantic hug while she asks, "Daddy, why are you hugging me?"

Because Natalie.

Just Because.

She Says

Dada, you really need to get to work

So I realize this blog is becoming nothing more than the occasional Natalie Quote but it is all going to come together when I write the new bestseller "Ca*a My Daughter Says" ...

Anyway, I am wearing latex gloves twice a day...

What? Do you need an explanation as to why I am wearing Latex gloves twice a day? I can't just drop that at the start of a blog and move on...

Fine.

I wear them in an attempt to finally rid myself of an annoying rash on my hands that has lingered for over six months and made the skin on my palms resemble my high-school baseball glove. The rash is a result of one of the medications I take for Crohn's. It is awesome. Sara has taken to calling me Lizard Man, which would be cool if I had Lizard like super-powers or a tail I could whack her with when she calls me "Lizard Man" and not just leathery hands that make me feel self-conscious.

Anyway, I've begun various drastic actions to try to alleviate the rash, including slopping on a bunch of Aquaphor and putting my hands in latex gloves for an hour while I do my morning chores.

The other day Natalie sat gleefully finishing her breakfast and she noticed I was wearing the gloves when I came upstairs. She paused and looked thoughtfully at my gloved hands. I expected a "Daddy, why are you wearing those gloves?" followed by a long string of why's that would eventually end when I collapsed from exhaustion.

Instead she said:

"Oh Daddy! I like those gloves. They are fancy"

I smiled. Sara keeled over laughing and once again we were reminded about the importance of perspective. Life didn't seem such a trial. Now, every morning and evening when I put on my gloves I smile and get to work, looking fancier than ever.

She Says

I'm a princess...no, seriously, I am...

I promise a first day of school blog in the coming days but until then a few from the, "Did she really just say that? department"

1. While outside swinging this evening, I discussed the day with Natalie:

Me: So did you have circle time at school today Natalie?

Natalie: Yes we did!

Me: What did you talk about at circle time?

Natalie: The weather.

Me: Oh, that's nice, anything else?

Natalie: (pause to think deeply about the question).. Other serious things...

I'm not sure if I should inform other parents that their children are sitting around at circle-time talking about weather, what little Joey had for dinner last night, and "other serious things".

2. Before dinner Natalie told Sara that her tushy was hurting. This generally means that she has some dry skin on her cheeks, so Sara dutifully applied a little Aquaphor, after which Natalie remarked:

"Mama, I like how you did that."

Sara was gratified to know that she is able to apply lotion to a dry tushy in a satisfactory manner.

3. At dinner this evening we were enjoying a lovely meal (I am the chef and I say it was lovely) when Natalie began to explain what her doll, which she now is calling "Baby Roo" after watching Piglet's Big Movie on Friday had for HER dinner, which had apparently occurred earlier that evening. Natalie proceeded to list everything we had eaten the previous three nights (from Sushi to re-fried beans) at which point Sara exclaimed "Wow, Baby Roo, is a big eater!" and Natalie responded:

"Yeah, and last but not least she had some salt and pepper to go on her lovely meal."

Sara and I promptly burst out laughing and Natalie joined in, having no idea why we were giggling.

Natalie always has a way of spicing up our evenings.

She Says

Getting ready to clear the room...

Recent conversation with Natalie:

Loud thbbbbbttttt noise

Natalie: Oh, excuse me!
Me: You are excused (resisting desire to smile)
Natalie: Dada, I tooted!
Me: Um, yes, you did. (barely holding in a chuckle)
Natalie: Do you know why I tooted?
Me: No, Natalie, why? (rapt with anticipation)
Natalie: Because something was tickling my tushy!
Me: I see... (excusing myself while I go to the next room and burst out laughing)

A Recipe for Soup

mmm, mmmm,..yehck!

Last night, while in the bath, Natalie asked Sara to tell a story. This is a favorite recent activity; having mommy or daddy make up a story, usually centered on our heroine who calls herself Emily, her friend Little Bear, and Lucy, her doll. Anyone who has read the Little Bear books will immediately recognize the cast...

Anyway, the main thrust of this particular vignette was that our heroes needed to make a soup. The reasons why they needed to make said soup were vague but a good storyteller lets the reader fill in unimportant plot details like motive...

So for those of you looking for a lovely Autumnal recipe I suggest "Emily's, Little Bear's and Lucy's Acorn Soup"

Add to large pot (which you shall never use again):

The ingredients are Natalie's, the notes are mine...

- 3 Spoonfuls of Mayonnaise (one may substitute Vegannaise if one is a hippie like Mama)
- 2 Cookies (preferably Chocolate Chip or Sugar but any cookie will do in a pinch)
- 3 cups Flour
- "A lot of Acorns" (Natalie explained "a lot" means 10)
- Chocolate, 1 Bar

Then Cook "A lot" and if your house isn't on fire or the neighbors haven't shown up to ask about the smell, enjoy...

She Says

Natalie poses on her "big-girl" bed.

Natalie has a little Sesame Street book called "Be Polite" and, as you may have gleamed from the previous blog post, Natalie enjoys reading books on the potty. So today while she climbed onto her potty-seat she asked very brightly, in her two-year-old broken syntax way, "Dada, Can I Be Polite, pleeeeaaase?!"

I smiled and got the book.

She Says

Natalie Marcia Says:

"Books are friends for while your on the potty."

Trouble Brewing

"I just love getting Dada in trouble!"

As has been previously discussed at length, my daughter is a super-baby genius, or perhaps now she would be better described as a super-toddler-genius, which in super-genius terms is a whole new level of geniuosity. She inhales words for breakfast, digests meaning for lunch, and then by dinner is ready to have a lengthy discussion about what she learned that day. This discussion usually involves her singing loudly at the table while we eat.

Her hunger for knowledge is unquenchable, and so, rather than let her exert extra energy in negative ways, like by chasing the cat, or making a mess, or plotting to overthrow the world, I divert her curiosity into learning new words, phrases, and long Wordsworth poems.

To be sure it is an exhausting and heroic task, one that often involves repeating new words 2,320 times before Natalie is satisfied that she can pronounce it properly, and which turns my brain into a lumpy mush by the time Sara returns home from work.

I generally enjoy this noble and necessary job of protecting humanity from a potentially lethal super-toddler genius but there are times when my efforts to teach Natalie about her surroundings backfire.

Witness a week or so ago.

Natalie and I were busy shopping for a small gathering at our house over Memorial day weekend. We busied ourselves with procuring all the necessary list items, Natalie gleefully chirping out directions for what I should buy from the shopping cart. Luckily for our guests I managed to sneak in something other than goldfish crackers, cheese, and cheerios.

Natalie remarked upon all the various vegetables and fruits we bought and yelled "Hiii!" to anyone who passed. There were innumerable, "Hiii, Ladies" and "Hiii, Mans" and most of the time she correctly guessed the person's gender...

We began to checkout, and I placed our veritable cornucopia of food on the belt and waited for, as Natalie would call her, the "Checkout lady." However, at this precise moment Natalie was not at all concerned with the "Checkout lady", no something much more interesting beckoned her eye from the conveyor belt.

Of all the many things that sat on the rubbery surface, of all the things she could have remarked upon, she began, quite near the top of her lungs,

"BEEEEEER, That's BEEEEEER" pointing to a case of brew.

"Yes, Natalie." I said rather sheepishly. But she continued...

"BEEEEEER, BEEEEER, that's Dada's BEEEER."

At this point I blushed and tried to point out a much more interesting and less embarrassing box of Cheerios. She wanted nothing to do with it.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! Dada drinks BEEEEEEER." The checkout lady was laughing, the woman behind me chuckled, "I guess she knows what that is!", but I knew somewhere a child-services worker was lurking, or at least taking notes.

I hustled Natalie to the car, sped home, unpacked the groceries and while Natalie played in her pretend kitchen, cracked open a cold one.

"BEEEEEER" I said. "That's BEEEEEER."

Hey, I deserved it.




Editors Note: If any child-services workers are reading this blog, please know I didn't actually drink a beer until my wife got home...then I had five.

Impersonationable

Natalie does her best "Dada" impression.

When I was young I would set up a tape recorder and practice mimicking various voices and characters...what you didn't? Before you judge me, I lived in NH, where there was nothing to do for miles but read books (totally uninterested in reading for pleasure at the time) or push cows (interested but rather terrified).

I thought impressions might be my path to fame and fortune. I could be the next Dana Carvey or Rich Little or at least get people to laugh. I gave it up when I realized high-school girls were not particularly impressed by a guy who could do a great pirate impression.

Who knew?

Recently, however, my vocal manipulations have been in high demand by a cuter and wiser little girl. When Natalie was little (littler I suppose) I often read her books and used different voices for the various characters. She enjoyed it, smiling when I took on the voice of a big grumpy troll or when I decided a particular character should speak with a British accent. Now that she's a more sophisticated communicator, she not only enjoys my little voice tricks but demands them.

Recent conversations have gone like this:

"Dada Cookie Monster."

I ignore her and continue to wash dishes (what else would I be doing)

"Dada Cookie Monster? DADA COOKIE MONSTER!!!"

"Oh, me like cookie" (in my best cookie monster voice)

"Dada Grover. DADA GROVER!"

"Hello Natalie" (As Grover)

"Dada, Grandpa Al."

And here's where my talent runs out. I apologize to my plaintive princess that I can't do a "Grandpa Al" impression. But this is my little daughter, so I've been working on my Grandpa Al, Momma, and Barack Obama impressions (yes Natalie recognizes our president on TV and shouts OBAMA! every time she sees him, recently declaring "Silly Obama", with which her fiscally conservative mother agreed.)

All these voices have me a little turned around so don't be surprised if the next time you see me I'm in the middle of a identity crisis and greet you in a cookie monster voice or shake your hand and say nothing but "ARGHHH! Matey!"


Random notes:

1. Recently Natalie declared that "Sometimes people eat turtles" and then "Sometime turtles eat people." Since she is never wrong, be careful with all future turtle relations.

2. Natalie told me a few days ago "Grandpa Lee Yuk", "Gram Yuk". At first I was worried she was claiming that her grandfather and great-grandmother were both yucky but I soon realized she was explaining that they were both from New York...

3. Natalie loves to sing the wheels on the bus, or rather she loves for me to sing it while she declares what is on the bus. She refuses to stick to the general script of wipers, wheels, and bus implements and focuses mainly on animals and people she knows. I am forced to decide what the Grandpa Lee, Aunt Bryn, and Cookie Monster on the bus say. So if you want a say in what YOU say, let me know.

And if ya don't know...

This is how we roll

It has been a long time since I've truly updated this blog. If I were to attempt to document all the accomplishments of my super-baby-genius since then, I would fail miserably. So what follows is a random assortment of some things Natalie and I thought you should know...


Some of Natalie's most interesting phrases:

"Yankees Yuk, Grandpa Lee! and Go Red Sox, Grandpa Lee!" Just because it is obvious doesn't make it any less genius. Take note Grandpa Lee, lest you wind up on the wrong side of geniosity.

"Broccoli, broccoli, OOOOOOOOO Cookie Monster" Natalie announced this at the dinner table the other night while pawing through her broccoli. We're not quite sure what it meant but I believe she was trying some sort of wizardry on her Broccoli in hopes of turning it into a cookie. If she had succeeded, we could have sold her services to grumpy Broccoli eaters everywhere...alas, it failed.

"Mama Trash. Dada Trash": Either this was her first insult or she was trying to express that only Mama and Dada can touch the trash.


Some interesting developments:

Fear Factor: Natalie has developed a fear of certain stuffed animals. If we even discuss one of the offending beasts, she shakes and clings to the nearest adult. The problem is we never know which stuffed animal might illicit this response, so we'll innocently pull out a former favorite toy, only to watch her breakdown. Apparently these type of unexplained fears are normal for her age, so when she suddenly begins to stress about a certain stuffed friend we stick him in the office closet. I have yet to find a link between the stuffed animals she fears and those she doesn't, though I am beginning to expect those that frighten her are demonically possessed, which is why I haven't spent much time in my office lately.

ABC's: Natalie knows a good deal of her letters, and enjoys singing the ABC song. She cruises through A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J, inserts another B for K, and then belts out M,M,M,M...Q. Which is either an indication that she doesn't knows those letters, or enjoys eating Qs.

Sing-Along: Natalie loves to sing other songs as well. Her repertoire is wide and eclectic. For instance she can sing "Where is pinky?" and then immediately break into a verse of "Too Hot" (Don't ask how she learned this song). Sure she mumbles some words, skips others, and invents a bunch, but I dare you to find something cuter than a toddler learning to sing.

Potty Training: No she is not trained yet. Please don't ask me again.

That's all for now, I am going to go burn those demonically possessed stuffed animals.

Return of the Blog!

"Look, it's a bird, it's a plane...oh no...it's Daddy's stupid blog"

Cue the dramatic announcer guy:

"This spring, just when you thought it was safe to surf the web, comes the return of the web's most poop-humor filled blog. Find out what happens when a father tries to potty train his little girl, discover just how demanding a two-year can be, and sing-along with the countless inane songs. This time they're will be no editing witch meens you may find a few mis stakes... but join as we embark on another epic or at least slightly entertaining journey."

Death of the Blog, Blog...

Alas, my blog is dying

Perhaps death isn't the right word. "Extended suspension", "Possible complete destruction", or "This blog is to continued entries as Sarah Palin is to continued political career" might be more fitting.

I'm currently working on a larger piece of fiction, leaving me little time to update the blog. I hope to bring the blog back to life, should I give up on this other writing project, finish it, or miraculously discover a 36 hour day.

Rest assured, Natalie is getting cuter and I am getting older and don't lose hope...if Sarah Palin can return in 2012...so can I...

Blog out.

Burning the 8:30 Oil...

"You Sir, are old!"

One of my best friends turns thirty this month, yet I feel like we're still in high school together (and Sara would say when my friend and I are together we act like it) but there is a larger part of me (and I am not talking about my expanding waistline) that feels really,
really
old.

For example, the Red Sox have once again made the playoffs but there was no way in hell I was staying up to watch the entire first game against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, who not only will lose the series to my beloved Red Sox, but also have a terribly long and stupid name. The game started at 10pm, which ten years ago would have been an optimal time to have my first Mountain Dew of the evening but which is currently an optimal time to have my first Tylenol PM.

How did this happen? I blame Natalie.

Before Natalie or B.N., which sounds disturbingly like B.M. so I won't use it again, I was still a night owl. I would stay up till midnight doing important things like writing poems, surfing the Internet, and watching South Park re-runs. Now if I'm up at midnight it is to put Natalie back to sleep before crumpling back into bed myself.

There are other signs that my age is catching up with me:

1. I ache for no apparent reason especially when it is cold.

2. I look forward to going to the grocery store.

3. I drink Green Tea.

4. I haven't played a video game in over six months.

5. I turned on the TV weeks ago and had no idea who was pitching for the Red Sox.

6. I think about my cholesterol more than once every year.

7. I have a retirement plan.

8. Cashiers card me at the grocery store but always have a smile that says, "I know you are over 21 but I have to do this anyway you old-fart."

It's disheartening. Luckily every time I start feeling especially old, I get to see the world through Natalie's adorable little eyes, as she discovers some new truth about the world like gravity, running is harder to do than walking, or that the Red Sox are awesome.

I'm going to get us both a couple Mountain Dews and hunker down in front of the TV for game two tonight, unless of course I pass out before it starts...

A long time coming...

Natalie does her best impression of a fish

This blog has unfortunately become a monthly highlight show, breaking down Natalie's many accomplishments and my many blunders with little attention to detail. Before I get to Natalie's new and amazing talents I'll list my excuses.

A. Natalie has been busy testing her "Random Tantrum Reactionary Theory." The Random Tantrum Reactionary Theory or "RT-RT" states that one should throw tantrums at random times for no reason to discover how adults will react. Natalie tested this theory for two weeks around her birthday but has since lowered her testing rate. I'm suspicious, however, that she is simply analyzing her results...

B. She has also been testing the "Night-time Screaming Effects Theory." The Night-time Screaming Effects Theory or "N-SET" states that a baby should test just how many times a mommy and daddy will enter said baby's room at night if that baby screams really loud. "N-Set" also looks at the effects on Mommies and Daddies the next day.

C. We traveled to upstate NY. Keep in mind parts of Upstate NY exist in a time warp where high-speed Internet is non-existent, people think Jimmy Carter is president, and the number of cows are only outnumbered by the number of cow-patties.

Ultimately my best excuse is that I have been running-wild taking care of a little girl who is extremely busy at life. Changing and evolving every day. Here are some of her more notable recent achievements:

1. Walk around the Clock: For a long time when people asked if Natalie was walking yet, we'd respond with a vague answer like "She takes steps" or "Kind of" or "Look, she is a super-baby genius and just because she isn't walking yet doesn't mean she isn't a super-baby genius, so back off buster!" But now Natalie is officially a walking baby, toddling around the house at drunken speeds.

2. Word Explosion: Natalie has learned a ton of new words, most of which she doesn't pronounce quite right. She says "Mama", "Dada", "Hat", "Eye", "Guck"(Duck), "Bup" (Cup), "Cah" (Car...which she pahks in havahd yahd), "Ha" (Hi), "Raap" (Rope), "hum" (home), and several more.

3. Non-word Explosion: Natalie has not only learned official "dictionary words" but some unofficial words as well. As a poet, I fully support unofficial words. She has learned that dogs say, "woof, woof" and when she hears a dog in the distance, she barks along. She knows that monkeys say "Ah-Ah-Ah.", kitties say "houuum" (her odd version of meow), and she knows that Sarah Palin says nothing nice, so shouldn't say anything at all.

4. A Dad's proudest moment yet: In Natalie's first year of life, I've enjoyed many memorable events, from her first babble, to her first word, to her first step. But without a doubt my most hubris inspiring moment to date is teaching Natalie to say "Bawp" every time someone burps. It is undeniably adorable and, as a bonus, undeniably gets under Sara's skin.

5. Command Center: If it wasn't already clear who is in charge around here, Natalie can now follow my simple commands like "Bring me the book" or "Bring me a beer." She joins the dog in her strict obedience, now I just need to work on her mother...

6. Huggie!: In her cutest development to date, Natalie offers hugs on demand and also out of the blue. Nothing brightens an otherwise dull day like a hug from an adorable super-baby-genius.

7. Goo-Goo for Gaa-Gaa: Up until recently Natalie had not become attached to any one toy. She had favorites, but would often grow weary of even her most beloved play-things. That is until "Ga-Ga" came along. "Ga-Ga" was a gift from her aunt Allison, a squishy baby-doll with bright blue-eyes, who Natalie instantly dubbed "Ga-Ga." Now we just mention Ga-Ga's name and Natalie lights-up with excitement. She is very fond of giving Ga-Ga hugs teeters around the house with Ga-Ga in tow.

8. Eye of the Tiger: As mentioned above, Natalie has learned to say the word "Eye" and lately it's her very favorite word to say. This would be fine except for the fact that she likes to forcefully point out the words she says, regularly jabbing a pudgy little finger in the direction of our optical nerves. Sara and I have recently invested in some protective eye-wear.

There's so much more but Natalie is apparently testing "SBNOIWTAHT" or "Stop blogging now or I will throw a hissy-fit theory"

I better get my goggles...

Natalie version 11.0

How is she already 11 months old?!

Natalie is less than a month away from her first birthday (gulp!). This time last year we were scrambling to get her nursery ready, trying to keep Sara cool, and trying to keep me from passing out.

Now, we're blessed with a little girl who keeps getting better right before our eyes. It's like watching the stock market...only the opposite.

Once again my ability to keep up with a super-baby-genius's development has been hampered by the super-baby-genius herself. No doubt some part of her elaborate plan to take over the world and turn it into one giant Cheerio....

Anyway, some recent developments...

Step by Step: Months ago, before she started crawling, I believed Natalie would walk first. She wore us out with constant demands to be walked around the house and temper-tantrums when she wasn't walking. When she figured out how to crawl, however, walking took a back seat as she explored her world from the ground level. But walking would not wait forever.

Last Thursday Natalie took her first extremely wobbly steps. Her gate reminded me of any given fraternity brother's on Saturday nights at Hamilton, giving further credence to my theory that Natalie is a Fraternity Brother...

I reacted slightly differently than I did in college, rather than turn my head in disgust, I picked Natalie up and bear hugged her, adding plenty of zerberts...I don't think the Fraternity brother would have giggled...though I may be wrong.

HA! Is it me you're looking for?: Natalie's tiny little vocal cords are unfortunately lagging behind her tiny little super-awesome-baby-genius-of-glory brain. In trying to teach her how to wave she not only learned to wag her little hand, she also learned to say Hi...except she can't yet pronounce the "I" sound, so it comes out Ha! A few people were offended the other day when we passed them in the grocery store and Natalie frantically waved them down exclaiming "Ha! Ha!...HAAAA!"

Signs, Signs, everywhere there's Signs: Natalie is also working on her sign-language skills. She is now able to make the sign for "light." I also suspect some of her other seemingly innocuous hand movements may actually be a secret code for the dog in an effort to form an alliance and overthrow the keepers of the food.

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time: She may not be referring to a dancing and singing banana but she does now say "Nana." Unfortunately she doesn't eat her "Nana" as enthusiastically as she says the word.

Speed Demon: When Natalie first began to crawl she moved at the speed the word suggests but recently she has improved her forty-time (forty inches that is) dramatically. She also has begun to enjoy chasing Daddy around the house, which has given daddy the opportunity to improve his own shoddy conditioning.

Share...Share...Share...: Most children have a hard time learning how to share. Greedily hoarding stuff is of course one of Man's many flaws. However, since Natalie has no flaws she has already begun to share. She takes great joy in giving mommy and daddy her toys, her half-eaten watermelon, or the piece of fuzz she finds on the floor. Skeptics might suggest that this phase will soon end and she'll start hoarding as much stuff as possible, which will result in my discovery of a massive half-eaten-watermelon-and-fuzz ball under her bed.

Funny-Bone: There is no other way to put it...Natalie is a goof-ball. She revels in silly games including but not limited to, "What does stuff look like upside down", "What can we find in Daddy's belly-button", "Zerbert War", "Shaky-haired Mommy", "Hey look there's something over there" and "Copy-cat". She finds all of these games uproariously funny and enjoys making Mommy and Daddy laugh. She may have a future in stand-up...or the white house.

Read to me...now!: While Natalie is ahead of the curve on sharing, her patience with my inability to instantly meet all her needs and wants is lacking. The best example of this impatience is perhaps her constant and unwavering desire to read books. She will pull a book from her toy box or point to one on the shelf and at first she will politely point to daddy and then back to the book. If, however, daddy doesn't do as he's told or if he isn't paying attention, she will move on to phase two...tossing the book directly at daddy's face.

Usually this gets daddy's attention.

I'm comforted by the fact that she is demanding to be read to instead of demanding more TV. I'm also adept at dealing with being punished for not meeting demand protocol, having been married now for six years...

Independence Declaration

Natalie celebrates her independence with a fistful of Cheerios

Last week the nation celebrated its independence with copious amounts of fireworks, beer, and tiny little flags. Natalie, though scared of the fireworks and not yet allowed to drink the beer, fully appreciated why so many people were partying. She herself is beginning to understand the joy of self-reliance.

She may be 16 years away from driving, 18 years away from college, and 30 years away from her first date but she has already started to let mommy and daddy know that their assistance and constant attention is not always needed or desired.

Her independent streak is both a relief and a burden. She may no longer need mommy and daddy to rescue her if she accidentally rolls onto her tummy or a toy slips away but she also wanders willingly and purposefully, usually directly into mischief.

Here are some of the ways Natalie is establishing her independence:

Mobile Unit:

If ever there was an event that defines the phrase "A blessing and a curse" it is when a baby becomes mobile. Initially parents breath a sigh of relief...their child can do more than flop around on the floor and scream when she can't get to her desired destination. It's magical to watch a child discover her world, strike out on new adventures, and delve into the mysteries of everything from what lies beneath the couch to what lies inside the trash.

And there's the rub.

For every new ability their is a price. When Natalie could do no more than roll and squirm, I could put her down and grab a cup of coffee knowing the worst possible outcome was a grumpy baby. Now, by the time I make my coffee the cat could have lost half his hair, the plant could be upended, and Natalie could be experimenting with knife juggling.

Despite the need for more vigilance and fewer knives, the blessings of mobility far outweigh the curses. Every time Natalie purposefully crawls over for a snuggle or a zerbert I forget that I may not be allowed to pee for another six hours.

Stop Feeding me Seymour!:

Natalie has been eating finger foods for months but only recently did she decide to feed herself. She's never had a problem stuffing her face full of dog hair, grass, or the stray toe-nail but when she sat down to eat actual food she displayed no interest in picking up all the various goodies we put in front of her, most of which had more nutritional value than toe-nails. Perhaps it was a bit of the princess in her wanting to be hand-fed or perhaps she just wasn't getting the connection but two weeks ago something clicked and now she shovels food in with glee and vigor. Unfortunately, this has also renewed her interest in every tiny morsel, edible or not, that she finds on the ground.

Play Time:

Much of my day is spent entertaining Natalie. I sing silly songs, I read silly books, I dance around in wholly non-silly ways and we generally have a good time together. Although she has yet to stop introducing me to her friends or say things like "Dad, please, for the love of god don't embarrass me by dancing in wholly non-silly ways in front of Susan", she has begun to clearly show that Daddy is not always needed.

I can hand her a measuring cup or wooden spoon and she will entertain herself for fifteen minutes by simply banging it around and seeing what it can do. Overall this has been a huge benefit since it allows me to watch her while still accomplishing something, though it is a bit of a blow to my ego.

Perhaps I should work on my wholly non-silly dance moves.

Mischief Maker:

I wouldn't call Natalie defiant but she certainly has no problem wading into mischief. Thankfully the word "no" is starting to have some impact on her actions, even if that impact is only to get her to look at us with a vicious smile. We are in the process of teaching her limits so she no longer heads directly for knife juggling when daddy turns his back but she is either a bit of an imp, simply testing the boundaries and our resolve to keep them, or just not getting it yet.

The most interesting activities are inevitably those which we are trying to discourage and when she is redirected elsewhere it often results in a little mini-fit of arm flapping and screeching before she settles on some new and equally bad thing to accomplish. I think this natural propensity for mischief clearly stems from her mother's side...



Natalie's growth over the past few months has been astonishing. She went from cute little lump to adventurous imp within months. As she continues to assert her independence, we will be there watching, smiling, and hiding the knives.

Say Anything!

Find out who or what won the "Be Natalie's First Word Contest"

Every parent anxiously awaits their child's first word. It's like waiting for a surprise present, never knowing when it will arrive.

For months I'd been hoping Natalie's adorable little babbles would turn into adorable little words. Even at four months I got excited when she babbled "Ma-ma" in the middle of the night. Both because I naively thought she might be an even bigger super-genius-baby than already forecast, and because it was "Ma-ma" she was calling for in the middle of the night. But that, and many other babbles, were really just incoherent baby jargon, or since she is a super-genius, a new language altogether.

Recently, however, she was clearly on the verge of putting it together. Babbling more structured sounds and pointing to things before making her exclamations. For example, she rambled "Dada" several times in succession rather than a long "Dadadadadada." Of course, she was screaming "Dada!" while looking at the cat but the tools were in place.

Then, while we were in Washington D.C., it happened. I can't point to a specific instance, but Sara and I slowly came to the realization that she was linking the specific word with the specific object.

So what was her magical first word?

Let's break down the contenders before we reveal the answer:

Dada:

Why Dada could be her first word: I spend all day with her and make it a point to get happy and jump around when she says "Dada." This happy-jumping, it should be noted, looks totally tough and not at all lame...Plus after 3,204,402 diapers, she owes me.

Why Dada wouldn't be her first word: She likes to babble the sound a lot and uses it to describe various things like the dog, diapers, and the milkman...

Mama:

Why Mama could be her first word: Every day when Sara gets home we get excited and say "Mama's home!" Plus after putting up with daddy complaining about 3,204,402 diaper changes, Sara deserved it.

Why Mama wouldn't be her first word: Linguists claim "Dada" is the easier sound to make and most babies, to the dismay of moms everywhere, say Dada first. Plus dads are just so much cooler...

Doggie or Kitty:

Why Doggie or Kitty could be her first word: She loves Doggie and Kitty. She laughs at them, pulls their hair, and climbs all over them.

Why Doggie or Kitty wouldn't be her first word: While she makes the sounds necessary for Doggie, she really doesn't make the G sound as much as she used to and she hasn't developed the capacity for "Ki" or "Tee" yet, though she does sometimes screech eee-eee, which is pretty close.

Red Sox:

Why Red Sox could be her first word: From the time she was a tiny-peanut, incapable of vocalizing anything but wails and cries, (which she did manage to vocalize often) she's heard Red Sox games on TV.

Why Red Sox wouldn't be her first word: Like most Red Sox fans she may want to perfect her "Yankees Suck" chant first.


So, what was her first word? To the delight of her mother, and despite a bit of an ego blow, her father, "Mama"

She now readily points to Sara and yells "Mama!" She has also learned that the door opening every afternoon signals "Mama's" return, turning to me recently with a look of glee when it happened and squealing, "Mamaaaaa!"

Quickly after mastering her first word Natalie, like an baby super-genius, conquered her second.

"Hat."

Yes..."Hat"

Why "hat" you ask? Natalie has been obsessed with my grungy old Red Sox hat since she was able to hold it. She says the word when she sees any baseball cap, though she doesn't yet understand other styles of caps are "hats." She did point to the TV screen recently, look at Randy Johnson who was pitching, and yell "hat." She then followed with, "And my isn't he an attractive young gentlemen."

She is getting close to saying Dada consistently but still can't get the phonetic distinction between "Dada" and "Doggie."

I'm not too worried, I'm just happy she is saying something and lighting up our eyes and hearts every time she does. I may have to wait a few months for "Dada" and a few more for "Yankees Suck" but I'm quite content to listen to her melodious experimentation until then.

Natalie Version 10.0

Natalie laughs at my attempts to chronicle her development.

Natalie continues to grow and change on a daily basis and my weekly blog entries aren't nearly enough to keep up with her development. So once again I offer a concise top ten list of Natalie's most recent improvements.

Top Ten Natalie Developments

10. Big Chomper meet Little Chompette: Natalie's second tooth has arrived and is currently half the size of Big Chomper (the name of her first tooth). It's rather adorable when she smiles and reveals two oddly sized teeth.

9. Two words...Fan, Doggy: We are teaching Natalie baby sign language. My mother bought a whole big kit of baby sign stuff, which I believe is called "If you're grand-baby can't sign, she's a dope." I thought it was a clever marketing tool.

Anyway, Natalie has learned two signs. "Doggy", which is not surprising because she is obsessed with the dog. And Fan, a sign we had to make up since most babies are apparently not obsessed with ceiling fans...

8. By her bootstraps: Natalie is now able to pull herself to a stand using virtually anything. This includes Daddy, the couch, and a very reluctant doggy.

7. Deep Sleep: Gone are the nights of three or four wake-ups. Natalie generally sleeps through the night with only the occasional cry, which is usually calmed with a few minutes of holding or shushing. Daddy has sold his stock in Maxwell House.

6. Walk...me...NOW!!: Natalie takes great joy in walking around the house, while holding on to our hands. This would be tolerable, except she is so short that we have to hunch over to hold her hands. Sara and I are beginning to resemble Quasimodo, since Natalie wants to be walked all the time. She is quite demanding. I would never imply that, in this respect, she is like her mother. That would be dumb.

5. Book it: Natalie loves books. I'm thrilled and sure she will soon be a literary genius...this development has also allowed me to memorize several children's books. If you are ever in a bind and can't remember the words to "Quick as a Cricket"... give me a call.

4. Return of the Jedi...cream: As detailed in a recent blog, Natalie has been battling Eczema for much of her little baby life. We recently took her to the doctor and he prescribed a cream that contained much more force. Natalie's Eczema is getting better.

3. Capitol Crowd: We recently took a trip to Washington for a usability conference at which Sara was presenting. I also presented at the nearby Tag-a-long Dad conference...

While in DC, Natalie charmed Sara's family in the area and several college friends. Her influence on the world is spreading. She also sat down with Barack Obama and John McCain to discuss her forthcoming endorsement.

2. Ready, set, catch: Giving more credibility to my plan that she will be the first female Red Sox player, I have taught Natalie how to catch a ball. Well, maybe she simply holds her arms out and the ball sometimes settles neatly into her pudgy little hands...but it's close enough for me!

1. Light-Crawler: Natalie is officially mobile. She began crawling about a week or two ago and is slowly perfecting the art. It's fantastic and utterly terrifying to watch her grow. Her mobility adds an extra challenge to daddy's day as he is now on constant "oh my god, what if she did (insert horrible thing here) when your back was turned." watch.

As I've written this blog several new developments have emerged...Stay tuned for a major Blog announcement soon...

Point/Counterpoint...Point...Point...Point...

Natalie sits contentedly after a long day of finger-pointing

Here's a transcript from a recent interaction between Natalie and I:

Natalie sits on the living room floor. She looks out the window, points indiscriminately, and exclaims, "Ga!"

"Yes, that's a tree Natalie." I respond like the dutiful and magnificent father I am.

Shifting her focus, Natalie points to a painting on the wall. "Ga!"

"That, my love, is a painting."

Another shift, "Ga!"

"That is a plant. It's like a tree but smaller."

"Ga!"

"Once again, sweet-pea, that's a tree."

"Ga!"

"Yes, you've found the painting again."

"GAAAAAA!"

"That is a different painting. How very exciting..."

"Ga!"

"A plant."

"Ga! Ga! GAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"OK. Yes. A bloody freaking tree again. Isn't it lovely in all its tree-ness."

This continues for another fifteen minutes, at which point I put the dog in charge.

Natalie has obviously discovered the joy of pointing. She wakes up from a nap and immediately points to one of her wall hangings. She gets her diaper changed and points, wildly flailing her arms as I try to describe what her little finger has found, while not getting poop on my own fingers.

What's interesting and simultaneously coma-inducing is that she really enjoys pointing out the same things over and over again. Some of her favorites are trees, paintings, ceiling fans, books, the dog, and the fact that Hillary Clinton lost.

I have no idea why these particular items have captured her attention but I do know that both Sara and I are running out of things to say about trees. I'm seriously considering hiring an Arborist for a day.

I've also tried strategically placing certain items nearby in the hopes that she would point to them and I could give diatribes about more interesting things like the Red Sox, The Lord of the Rings, or the rise of performance poetry...all of which I'm sure she would find extremely entertaining...

There will come a time when we teach Natalie that pointing isn't polite but right now pointing is one of the main tools she uses to learn about her world. Tiny little finger reaching out, asking what we know of the world, integrating this knowledge into her expanding universe...

I just hope her interest expands beyond trees sometime soon...