Natalie version 11.0

How is she already 11 months old?!

Natalie is less than a month away from her first birthday (gulp!). This time last year we were scrambling to get her nursery ready, trying to keep Sara cool, and trying to keep me from passing out.

Now, we're blessed with a little girl who keeps getting better right before our eyes. It's like watching the stock market...only the opposite.

Once again my ability to keep up with a super-baby-genius's development has been hampered by the super-baby-genius herself. No doubt some part of her elaborate plan to take over the world and turn it into one giant Cheerio....

Anyway, some recent developments...

Step by Step: Months ago, before she started crawling, I believed Natalie would walk first. She wore us out with constant demands to be walked around the house and temper-tantrums when she wasn't walking. When she figured out how to crawl, however, walking took a back seat as she explored her world from the ground level. But walking would not wait forever.

Last Thursday Natalie took her first extremely wobbly steps. Her gate reminded me of any given fraternity brother's on Saturday nights at Hamilton, giving further credence to my theory that Natalie is a Fraternity Brother...

I reacted slightly differently than I did in college, rather than turn my head in disgust, I picked Natalie up and bear hugged her, adding plenty of zerberts...I don't think the Fraternity brother would have giggled...though I may be wrong.

HA! Is it me you're looking for?: Natalie's tiny little vocal cords are unfortunately lagging behind her tiny little super-awesome-baby-genius-of-glory brain. In trying to teach her how to wave she not only learned to wag her little hand, she also learned to say Hi...except she can't yet pronounce the "I" sound, so it comes out Ha! A few people were offended the other day when we passed them in the grocery store and Natalie frantically waved them down exclaiming "Ha! Ha!...HAAAA!"

Signs, Signs, everywhere there's Signs: Natalie is also working on her sign-language skills. She is now able to make the sign for "light." I also suspect some of her other seemingly innocuous hand movements may actually be a secret code for the dog in an effort to form an alliance and overthrow the keepers of the food.

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time: She may not be referring to a dancing and singing banana but she does now say "Nana." Unfortunately she doesn't eat her "Nana" as enthusiastically as she says the word.

Speed Demon: When Natalie first began to crawl she moved at the speed the word suggests but recently she has improved her forty-time (forty inches that is) dramatically. She also has begun to enjoy chasing Daddy around the house, which has given daddy the opportunity to improve his own shoddy conditioning.

Share...Share...Share...: Most children have a hard time learning how to share. Greedily hoarding stuff is of course one of Man's many flaws. However, since Natalie has no flaws she has already begun to share. She takes great joy in giving mommy and daddy her toys, her half-eaten watermelon, or the piece of fuzz she finds on the floor. Skeptics might suggest that this phase will soon end and she'll start hoarding as much stuff as possible, which will result in my discovery of a massive half-eaten-watermelon-and-fuzz ball under her bed.

Funny-Bone: There is no other way to put it...Natalie is a goof-ball. She revels in silly games including but not limited to, "What does stuff look like upside down", "What can we find in Daddy's belly-button", "Zerbert War", "Shaky-haired Mommy", "Hey look there's something over there" and "Copy-cat". She finds all of these games uproariously funny and enjoys making Mommy and Daddy laugh. She may have a future in stand-up...or the white house.

Read to me...now!: While Natalie is ahead of the curve on sharing, her patience with my inability to instantly meet all her needs and wants is lacking. The best example of this impatience is perhaps her constant and unwavering desire to read books. She will pull a book from her toy box or point to one on the shelf and at first she will politely point to daddy and then back to the book. If, however, daddy doesn't do as he's told or if he isn't paying attention, she will move on to phase two...tossing the book directly at daddy's face.

Usually this gets daddy's attention.

I'm comforted by the fact that she is demanding to be read to instead of demanding more TV. I'm also adept at dealing with being punished for not meeting demand protocol, having been married now for six years...

Independence Declaration

Natalie celebrates her independence with a fistful of Cheerios

Last week the nation celebrated its independence with copious amounts of fireworks, beer, and tiny little flags. Natalie, though scared of the fireworks and not yet allowed to drink the beer, fully appreciated why so many people were partying. She herself is beginning to understand the joy of self-reliance.

She may be 16 years away from driving, 18 years away from college, and 30 years away from her first date but she has already started to let mommy and daddy know that their assistance and constant attention is not always needed or desired.

Her independent streak is both a relief and a burden. She may no longer need mommy and daddy to rescue her if she accidentally rolls onto her tummy or a toy slips away but she also wanders willingly and purposefully, usually directly into mischief.

Here are some of the ways Natalie is establishing her independence:

Mobile Unit:

If ever there was an event that defines the phrase "A blessing and a curse" it is when a baby becomes mobile. Initially parents breath a sigh of relief...their child can do more than flop around on the floor and scream when she can't get to her desired destination. It's magical to watch a child discover her world, strike out on new adventures, and delve into the mysteries of everything from what lies beneath the couch to what lies inside the trash.

And there's the rub.

For every new ability their is a price. When Natalie could do no more than roll and squirm, I could put her down and grab a cup of coffee knowing the worst possible outcome was a grumpy baby. Now, by the time I make my coffee the cat could have lost half his hair, the plant could be upended, and Natalie could be experimenting with knife juggling.

Despite the need for more vigilance and fewer knives, the blessings of mobility far outweigh the curses. Every time Natalie purposefully crawls over for a snuggle or a zerbert I forget that I may not be allowed to pee for another six hours.

Stop Feeding me Seymour!:

Natalie has been eating finger foods for months but only recently did she decide to feed herself. She's never had a problem stuffing her face full of dog hair, grass, or the stray toe-nail but when she sat down to eat actual food she displayed no interest in picking up all the various goodies we put in front of her, most of which had more nutritional value than toe-nails. Perhaps it was a bit of the princess in her wanting to be hand-fed or perhaps she just wasn't getting the connection but two weeks ago something clicked and now she shovels food in with glee and vigor. Unfortunately, this has also renewed her interest in every tiny morsel, edible or not, that she finds on the ground.

Play Time:

Much of my day is spent entertaining Natalie. I sing silly songs, I read silly books, I dance around in wholly non-silly ways and we generally have a good time together. Although she has yet to stop introducing me to her friends or say things like "Dad, please, for the love of god don't embarrass me by dancing in wholly non-silly ways in front of Susan", she has begun to clearly show that Daddy is not always needed.

I can hand her a measuring cup or wooden spoon and she will entertain herself for fifteen minutes by simply banging it around and seeing what it can do. Overall this has been a huge benefit since it allows me to watch her while still accomplishing something, though it is a bit of a blow to my ego.

Perhaps I should work on my wholly non-silly dance moves.

Mischief Maker:

I wouldn't call Natalie defiant but she certainly has no problem wading into mischief. Thankfully the word "no" is starting to have some impact on her actions, even if that impact is only to get her to look at us with a vicious smile. We are in the process of teaching her limits so she no longer heads directly for knife juggling when daddy turns his back but she is either a bit of an imp, simply testing the boundaries and our resolve to keep them, or just not getting it yet.

The most interesting activities are inevitably those which we are trying to discourage and when she is redirected elsewhere it often results in a little mini-fit of arm flapping and screeching before she settles on some new and equally bad thing to accomplish. I think this natural propensity for mischief clearly stems from her mother's side...



Natalie's growth over the past few months has been astonishing. She went from cute little lump to adventurous imp within months. As she continues to assert her independence, we will be there watching, smiling, and hiding the knives.

Say Anything!

Find out who or what won the "Be Natalie's First Word Contest"

Every parent anxiously awaits their child's first word. It's like waiting for a surprise present, never knowing when it will arrive.

For months I'd been hoping Natalie's adorable little babbles would turn into adorable little words. Even at four months I got excited when she babbled "Ma-ma" in the middle of the night. Both because I naively thought she might be an even bigger super-genius-baby than already forecast, and because it was "Ma-ma" she was calling for in the middle of the night. But that, and many other babbles, were really just incoherent baby jargon, or since she is a super-genius, a new language altogether.

Recently, however, she was clearly on the verge of putting it together. Babbling more structured sounds and pointing to things before making her exclamations. For example, she rambled "Dada" several times in succession rather than a long "Dadadadadada." Of course, she was screaming "Dada!" while looking at the cat but the tools were in place.

Then, while we were in Washington D.C., it happened. I can't point to a specific instance, but Sara and I slowly came to the realization that she was linking the specific word with the specific object.

So what was her magical first word?

Let's break down the contenders before we reveal the answer:

Dada:

Why Dada could be her first word: I spend all day with her and make it a point to get happy and jump around when she says "Dada." This happy-jumping, it should be noted, looks totally tough and not at all lame...Plus after 3,204,402 diapers, she owes me.

Why Dada wouldn't be her first word: She likes to babble the sound a lot and uses it to describe various things like the dog, diapers, and the milkman...

Mama:

Why Mama could be her first word: Every day when Sara gets home we get excited and say "Mama's home!" Plus after putting up with daddy complaining about 3,204,402 diaper changes, Sara deserved it.

Why Mama wouldn't be her first word: Linguists claim "Dada" is the easier sound to make and most babies, to the dismay of moms everywhere, say Dada first. Plus dads are just so much cooler...

Doggie or Kitty:

Why Doggie or Kitty could be her first word: She loves Doggie and Kitty. She laughs at them, pulls their hair, and climbs all over them.

Why Doggie or Kitty wouldn't be her first word: While she makes the sounds necessary for Doggie, she really doesn't make the G sound as much as she used to and she hasn't developed the capacity for "Ki" or "Tee" yet, though she does sometimes screech eee-eee, which is pretty close.

Red Sox:

Why Red Sox could be her first word: From the time she was a tiny-peanut, incapable of vocalizing anything but wails and cries, (which she did manage to vocalize often) she's heard Red Sox games on TV.

Why Red Sox wouldn't be her first word: Like most Red Sox fans she may want to perfect her "Yankees Suck" chant first.


So, what was her first word? To the delight of her mother, and despite a bit of an ego blow, her father, "Mama"

She now readily points to Sara and yells "Mama!" She has also learned that the door opening every afternoon signals "Mama's" return, turning to me recently with a look of glee when it happened and squealing, "Mamaaaaa!"

Quickly after mastering her first word Natalie, like an baby super-genius, conquered her second.

"Hat."

Yes..."Hat"

Why "hat" you ask? Natalie has been obsessed with my grungy old Red Sox hat since she was able to hold it. She says the word when she sees any baseball cap, though she doesn't yet understand other styles of caps are "hats." She did point to the TV screen recently, look at Randy Johnson who was pitching, and yell "hat." She then followed with, "And my isn't he an attractive young gentlemen."

She is getting close to saying Dada consistently but still can't get the phonetic distinction between "Dada" and "Doggie."

I'm not too worried, I'm just happy she is saying something and lighting up our eyes and hearts every time she does. I may have to wait a few months for "Dada" and a few more for "Yankees Suck" but I'm quite content to listen to her melodious experimentation until then.

Natalie Version 10.0

Natalie laughs at my attempts to chronicle her development.

Natalie continues to grow and change on a daily basis and my weekly blog entries aren't nearly enough to keep up with her development. So once again I offer a concise top ten list of Natalie's most recent improvements.

Top Ten Natalie Developments

10. Big Chomper meet Little Chompette: Natalie's second tooth has arrived and is currently half the size of Big Chomper (the name of her first tooth). It's rather adorable when she smiles and reveals two oddly sized teeth.

9. Two words...Fan, Doggy: We are teaching Natalie baby sign language. My mother bought a whole big kit of baby sign stuff, which I believe is called "If you're grand-baby can't sign, she's a dope." I thought it was a clever marketing tool.

Anyway, Natalie has learned two signs. "Doggy", which is not surprising because she is obsessed with the dog. And Fan, a sign we had to make up since most babies are apparently not obsessed with ceiling fans...

8. By her bootstraps: Natalie is now able to pull herself to a stand using virtually anything. This includes Daddy, the couch, and a very reluctant doggy.

7. Deep Sleep: Gone are the nights of three or four wake-ups. Natalie generally sleeps through the night with only the occasional cry, which is usually calmed with a few minutes of holding or shushing. Daddy has sold his stock in Maxwell House.

6. Walk...me...NOW!!: Natalie takes great joy in walking around the house, while holding on to our hands. This would be tolerable, except she is so short that we have to hunch over to hold her hands. Sara and I are beginning to resemble Quasimodo, since Natalie wants to be walked all the time. She is quite demanding. I would never imply that, in this respect, she is like her mother. That would be dumb.

5. Book it: Natalie loves books. I'm thrilled and sure she will soon be a literary genius...this development has also allowed me to memorize several children's books. If you are ever in a bind and can't remember the words to "Quick as a Cricket"... give me a call.

4. Return of the Jedi...cream: As detailed in a recent blog, Natalie has been battling Eczema for much of her little baby life. We recently took her to the doctor and he prescribed a cream that contained much more force. Natalie's Eczema is getting better.

3. Capitol Crowd: We recently took a trip to Washington for a usability conference at which Sara was presenting. I also presented at the nearby Tag-a-long Dad conference...

While in DC, Natalie charmed Sara's family in the area and several college friends. Her influence on the world is spreading. She also sat down with Barack Obama and John McCain to discuss her forthcoming endorsement.

2. Ready, set, catch: Giving more credibility to my plan that she will be the first female Red Sox player, I have taught Natalie how to catch a ball. Well, maybe she simply holds her arms out and the ball sometimes settles neatly into her pudgy little hands...but it's close enough for me!

1. Light-Crawler: Natalie is officially mobile. She began crawling about a week or two ago and is slowly perfecting the art. It's fantastic and utterly terrifying to watch her grow. Her mobility adds an extra challenge to daddy's day as he is now on constant "oh my god, what if she did (insert horrible thing here) when your back was turned." watch.

As I've written this blog several new developments have emerged...Stay tuned for a major Blog announcement soon...

Point/Counterpoint...Point...Point...Point...

Natalie sits contentedly after a long day of finger-pointing

Here's a transcript from a recent interaction between Natalie and I:

Natalie sits on the living room floor. She looks out the window, points indiscriminately, and exclaims, "Ga!"

"Yes, that's a tree Natalie." I respond like the dutiful and magnificent father I am.

Shifting her focus, Natalie points to a painting on the wall. "Ga!"

"That, my love, is a painting."

Another shift, "Ga!"

"That is a plant. It's like a tree but smaller."

"Ga!"

"Once again, sweet-pea, that's a tree."

"Ga!"

"Yes, you've found the painting again."

"GAAAAAA!"

"That is a different painting. How very exciting..."

"Ga!"

"A plant."

"Ga! Ga! GAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"OK. Yes. A bloody freaking tree again. Isn't it lovely in all its tree-ness."

This continues for another fifteen minutes, at which point I put the dog in charge.

Natalie has obviously discovered the joy of pointing. She wakes up from a nap and immediately points to one of her wall hangings. She gets her diaper changed and points, wildly flailing her arms as I try to describe what her little finger has found, while not getting poop on my own fingers.

What's interesting and simultaneously coma-inducing is that she really enjoys pointing out the same things over and over again. Some of her favorites are trees, paintings, ceiling fans, books, the dog, and the fact that Hillary Clinton lost.

I have no idea why these particular items have captured her attention but I do know that both Sara and I are running out of things to say about trees. I'm seriously considering hiring an Arborist for a day.

I've also tried strategically placing certain items nearby in the hopes that she would point to them and I could give diatribes about more interesting things like the Red Sox, The Lord of the Rings, or the rise of performance poetry...all of which I'm sure she would find extremely entertaining...

There will come a time when we teach Natalie that pointing isn't polite but right now pointing is one of the main tools she uses to learn about her world. Tiny little finger reaching out, asking what we know of the world, integrating this knowledge into her expanding universe...

I just hope her interest expands beyond trees sometime soon...

Lions and Tigers and Moms...Oh My!

Natalie gets ready for her big adventure!

Last week I took Natalie to the zoo. She has been fascinated by four legged creatures ever since she was old enough to observe them, laughing hysterically when she first noticed our pets Fenway and Bruce and screaming with glee when she first met our horse, TJ. The zoo felt like a natural first big outing together.

She loved it! For several hours last Friday the zoo gained a new animal, "The Screeching Baby." Natalie squealed and squawked while gesticulating madly in her front-carrier and in my arms. She was most enamored with the prairie dogs, the pronghorns, and the water fountain. Each of which she would have been happy to observe for hours on end.

The trip was fantastic. Some, however, are calling for a permanent revocation of my "man-card". You see, I didn't travel to the zoo on my own...I went with a...um...Mom's group.

Before I lose possession of that valuable card, which entitles me to limitless belches, fart jokes, greasy food, and crotch grabs, I'd like to make a few points.

1. I'm used to being surrounded by women.

I'd like to claim that my female surroundings in college were due to my rugged good looks, my way with words, or my musical prowess on what friends called my "weepy-guitar" (Seriously just ask Sara about that romantic classic "Ear-wax Girl" or our friend Sara Hesse about the heart-felt ballad I wrote when she went abroad to Ghana titled, "You've Gone to Ghana...Rhea") but the truth is a little less flattering. I majored in Sociology, which was a subject dominated by women. I was the only man in four years at Hamilton elected to the Volunteer committee's Executive Board. I started to pledge Beta-Data-Mana before I realized it was a sorority...OK I made that one up but you get the point. In college I spent a lot of time around women.

I graduated and worked at a non-profit as one of the few men in the office. I obtained my MFA in creative writing, where women easily outnumbered men. I worked as the only man at a day-care center while getting my degree. I coached girl's basketball and softball and lived in a girl's dorm at St. Mark's school in Massachusetts.

So, while I'd gladly have joined a father's group, where stay-at-home dad's get together, plop their little-ones on a blanket, drink, play video games, and eat pizza...they don't exist. At least in Oxford, CT. And, I suppose, might not be as productive for the kids...

Women still dominate the field of stay-at-home parents and once again I'm in a familiar position. My "colleagues" are everyone else's better-halves.

2. I needed to get out more.

Sara had been politely suggesting for months that I join a stay-at-home parenting group. In deference to my maleness, she never said 'mom's group.' But she finally started sending me links to local groups, with names like "Mothers of Central CT", "Mommy and Me", and "The League of Super-Amazing Moms".

She knew what I knew, that living in the middle of no-where CT, with friends and family spread across the country, I needed to find ways to get out and do stuff. And, perhaps more importantly, Natalie needed to get out and do stuff with other kids. There are only so many times she can stomach me reading Dr. Seuss's ABCs, which by the way I've memorized and plan on performing as a one man show...

I e-mailed one of the groups to find out more. I discovered they were willing to accept someone with only one X chromosome and were taking a trip to the Zoo. I signed up.

Natalie not only had a blast screaming DADADADA at the goat kids, she also loved watching the human kids. It's ultimately healthy and productive for her to see faces other than mommy's and daddy's on a regular basis. I enjoyed having people my own age to talk and relate with even if none of them belched, made a fart joke, or ate pizza...

3. So What?

It's not 1950. I don't come home, have a drink, smoke a cigar, and retire to my office. I'm a father who's spending time at home with his daughter because because Sara and I want someone we trust with our little-girl in her early years. Plus Sara is ten times smarter than me and can make more money.

I don't mind doing "un-manly" things like laundry, cooking, and talking to my daughter in an odd high-pitched voice that makes me sound like Bobby from Bobby's world.

And I don't mind joining a mom's group. In fact I'm glad I did it. Natalie and I had fun at the zoo and I look forward to future outings with the group.

My love of sports, flatulent themed jokes, and greasy food help make me a man.

But in the end I think I earn my "man-card" because I'm not afraid to do whatever it takes to give my daughter the best. Even if it means dish-pan hands, bake-sales, and fewer crotch grabs.

Natalie's worth it.

Hypo-crite

Natalie looks for some Hypo-crites in her bath

Today Natalie heard me utter the word Hypocrite and got pretty excited. As I will detail in my next blog entry, Natalie loves all things that move, make noise, and have four legs so she thought we might be going to see some hippos. Unfortunately I disappointed her when I explained that I was referring to our former president, who, while vastly more competent, intelligent, and successful than our current president really has no business calling anyone
"Sleazy".

Still, it was a good vocabulary lesson...