One-armed Wonder!

As the father of a seven-week-old baby, I do a lot of heavy lifting. I carry Natalie when she's fussy, gassy, about to be fussy or gassy, or because she fell asleep while I was carrying her and there's a good chance she wakes up if I put her down.

(Editors note: Everything we've read says you can't carry a baby this old too much and in fact it may help with any kind of colic they're experiencing...so essentially I'm the father of an eight pound sack of potatoes, which I've decided to have welded to my chest).

Besides being good for the upper-lats (although a bit rough on the lower back) all this time lugging Natalie around has helped me discover the many things I can do one-armed. Here follows my top-nine list (never can be too careful about copyright infringement) of things to do with a baby slung across your shoulder.

9. Eat or Drink: This can get tricky and I certainly avoid drinking anything hot unless she's sound asleep but since I'm not given a bottle or breast every few hours on demand, (boy do babies have it good...) sneaking a snack here and there has become essential. There may be a few more crumbs in the couch cushions and she may occasionally get the stray drop of water plinked on her pretty little outfits, but a guy's gotta eat!

8. Read: I don't recommend thrillers since she's likely to get fussy just as the villain opens to closet door but poetry, short stories, or a classic you've read before, are all great options. I've also taken to reading some of the baby books we've received. (I'll post some recommended reading in a future blog)

7. Solve the Health-care crisis: Well, maybe that's a bit ambitious but having an infant provides plenty of time for reflection, even if much of that thinking is done while that little bundle of joy wails. I have internal discussions, reflect on the previous day, plan the next one, or just do a little day-dreaming about a world where baby cries are coveted and earn parents rich rewards...

6. Make Coffee: Until I started teaching a few years back, I hated coffee. All I needed in the morning was a cup of OJ and a shower...then I started working with teenagers...and...well...that all changed. Now I crave my morning cup of caffeine-infused power. When Natalie starts her day with a hearty set of sobs, I start mine by carrying her to the kitchen. Once she settles down, I actually get to pour and drink the coffee but at least it's ready.

5. Write a Blog: Duh!

4. Pee (Guys Only) I know I'll catch some flak for this one but when she's just gotten calm on my shoulder and my second cup of coffee hits...well...god blessed men with the ability to pee standing up with one or possibly no hands...I will now head directly to the store to buy a dog house for when Sara reads this...

3. Exercise: 8 pounds may not be a lot but I suppose it makes those squat thrusts and calf-raises all that much more effective and since I haven't exactly been eating healthy lately, I could use them.

2. Tidy-up: When battling sleep-deprivation the last thing I want to do when I get twenty free minutes is pick up the random stuff that has accumulated around the house but right now plenty of random stuff is piling up. Mail left unread for a few days, that pacifier she spit out on the floor, that pacifier she spit out on the floor and the dog made a chew toy, the project I started believing I had twenty minutes until she started screaming...anyway the point is putting a few things away now might mean a nap later...mmmm....naps.

1. Count your blessings: There's a baby on my shoulder and she is the most beautiful amazing thing in the world...

I think I might even give my right arm for her!