Attack of the Baby!
No one said it was going to be easy. I heard the horror stories of sleepless nights and fifteen diapers-a-day but there were some things I wasn't quite prepared for...some silent but deadly dangers, often specific to stay-at-home dads, that have been overlooked. No longer.
1. Not-the-momma: While you can argue all you want that stay-at-home dads can do just as good a job as stay-at-home moms, there are some things we just can't do. For instance, If I want to take Natalie someplace I need to think about and prepare a food source, since I lack the necessary mammary glands and accompaniments.
2. Daytime drama: As human beings we crave stories, especially those with recurring characters, good and bad guys, and drama. Thus far, I've managed to avoid daytime drama's (otherwise known as Soaps) because I fear watching them might actually result in the growth of previously mentioned accompaniments (although one could also argue that would be a very good reason to watch). I need the baseball season to start so I have box scores to read and games to watch but until then I've settled on the daily drama that is the democratic primary race...
3. Fatherhood fifteen: Every college graduate knows about the "freshman fifteen", the weight you gain during your first semester of school, but the fatherhood fifteen is just as deadly. When you stay at home all day snacks are easily accessible and when you have fifteen minutes to make and eat a lunch, frozen burritos sound pretty good...mmmmm...frozen burritos....
4. Random noise generator: When you spend most of your day around an infant, you do and say silly things. And when you're me, you do them all the time. Breaking the habit when venturing out in public becomes difficult. It's one thing when I've got Natalie with me but it probably looks a little odd when I'm waiting in the grocery line making elephant noises, waving my arms wildly, and saying to the check-out girl in a sing-song voice "Do you have my bananas? Yes you do...you like bananas don't you...oh, bananas are tasty...Can you eat a whole banana? I bet you could...you little banana eater."
5. Sleepy stumbles: Recently, after breakfast, I put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge. Luckily these sleep-deprived mistakes have not yet extended to putting the baby in the oven and the chicken in the cradle...
6. No, dear, I'm not saying your toes are big...: Dads and Moms are different. Even in a stereotypically reversed marriage like mine, those inherent differences come through. Sara is more "motherly" and at times I find myself infringing upon that natural instinct simply because I'm in charge more often. The outfits I pick don't match, I play too rough, and I worry about the wrong things (like if her throwing arm is developing). It's inevitable that when one parent stays home, the other feels left out, but I think those feelings are stronger when the Mom is the one going to work.
7. Protection: When I stopped playing baseball a few years back I put my protective cup away, sure I'd never need it again...then we had a baby. Her tiny little legs are like a pair of ball pein hammers whacking away haphazardly while I carry her around the house. She is apparently set on being an only child.
Ultimately, the life of a stay-at-home dad is great but let this blog serve as a warning to any prospective fathers. Get healthy now, avoid daytime television, and get that jock out of the closet...you're going to need it.
1. Not-the-momma: While you can argue all you want that stay-at-home dads can do just as good a job as stay-at-home moms, there are some things we just can't do. For instance, If I want to take Natalie someplace I need to think about and prepare a food source, since I lack the necessary mammary glands and accompaniments.
2. Daytime drama: As human beings we crave stories, especially those with recurring characters, good and bad guys, and drama. Thus far, I've managed to avoid daytime drama's (otherwise known as Soaps) because I fear watching them might actually result in the growth of previously mentioned accompaniments (although one could also argue that would be a very good reason to watch). I need the baseball season to start so I have box scores to read and games to watch but until then I've settled on the daily drama that is the democratic primary race...
3. Fatherhood fifteen: Every college graduate knows about the "freshman fifteen", the weight you gain during your first semester of school, but the fatherhood fifteen is just as deadly. When you stay at home all day snacks are easily accessible and when you have fifteen minutes to make and eat a lunch, frozen burritos sound pretty good...mmmmm...frozen burritos....
4. Random noise generator: When you spend most of your day around an infant, you do and say silly things. And when you're me, you do them all the time. Breaking the habit when venturing out in public becomes difficult. It's one thing when I've got Natalie with me but it probably looks a little odd when I'm waiting in the grocery line making elephant noises, waving my arms wildly, and saying to the check-out girl in a sing-song voice "Do you have my bananas? Yes you do...you like bananas don't you...oh, bananas are tasty...Can you eat a whole banana? I bet you could...you little banana eater."
5. Sleepy stumbles: Recently, after breakfast, I put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge. Luckily these sleep-deprived mistakes have not yet extended to putting the baby in the oven and the chicken in the cradle...
6. No, dear, I'm not saying your toes are big...: Dads and Moms are different. Even in a stereotypically reversed marriage like mine, those inherent differences come through. Sara is more "motherly" and at times I find myself infringing upon that natural instinct simply because I'm in charge more often. The outfits I pick don't match, I play too rough, and I worry about the wrong things (like if her throwing arm is developing). It's inevitable that when one parent stays home, the other feels left out, but I think those feelings are stronger when the Mom is the one going to work.
7. Protection: When I stopped playing baseball a few years back I put my protective cup away, sure I'd never need it again...then we had a baby. Her tiny little legs are like a pair of ball pein hammers whacking away haphazardly while I carry her around the house. She is apparently set on being an only child.
Ultimately, the life of a stay-at-home dad is great but let this blog serve as a warning to any prospective fathers. Get healthy now, avoid daytime television, and get that jock out of the closet...you're going to need it.
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