Baby Talk

"Ah-goo, Daddy, Ah-gooooo!"






We've all seen one of those TV shows or movies where some alien or primitive race uses one word or a grunt to express all manner of things. (Admit it. You liked it too...Deep down we're all suckers for stuff like this...it's not just me that's the dork here...is it?).

Well, I'm suing all those producers for stealing the idea from Natalie and babies everywhere.

My darling daughter's vocabulary currently consists of various vowel sounds and dramatic grunts, the most notable of which is her adorable and constant "Ah-goo". (Apparently this is one of the first vocalizations beyond a simple vowel that many babies utter. Scientists have theorized that babies make this sound because of its inherent cuteness, enabling them to lull adults into a false sense of security before completely taking over their world...)

Though at first it might seem that "Ah-goo" is a meaningless quip, I've used my baby-language converter (it sits on a shelf next to my wife-language converter) to weed out the complexities of Natalie's so called babbling.

1. A-goo: "What-up?"
2. Ah-goo, Ah-goo: "I'm hungry"
3. Ahhhhhh-goo: "I just peed"
4. Ah-gooooo: "Listen up!"
5. Ah-goo followed by a grunt: "I need to poop"
6. Ah-goo followed by a devilish smile: "I pooped, now clean it up"
7. Ah-goo followed by a raspberry: "What-Ever!"
8. Ah-goo, A-wa, Ah-goo: "I could use a stiff drink"
9. Ah-goo, your mamma, Ah-goo: "Your mother is my grandmother. I would never disparage her with one of those lame 'your momma' jokes that you and your loser friends found funny in high-school. God dad, you are sooo embarrassing.
10. Ah-goo, oooo, Ah-goo: "Isn't the Gerber baby dreamy?" (Is the Gerber baby a boy or girl?...)
11. Ah-Ah-Ah-goo: "Hold on, it's on the tip of my tongue."
12. Ah-goo-goo: "I wanna party!"
13. Ah-goo-ba: "You are now under my control. Surrender all mammary glands, rattlely toys, and cuddly stuffed bears, attend to my various demands at all times, and dammit get me Elmo on the phone!"

That's all I've been able to work out so far but I'm sure I'll discover new meanings soon.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone call to an imaginary puppet...

Ah-goo