"Dude, I could sooo go for some Motz sticks."
Most of my posts thus far have been light-hearted. Today, however, I need to address a serious and disturbing subject. My daughter is actually a college fraternity brother in disguise.
Absurd you say.
Impossible you object.
Let's take a look at the evidence:
1. Both like to binge on dairy products:
For frat brothers it's pizza, motz sticks, cheesy burritos, or any other gooey milk product they can afford. For Natalie it's milk. I mean, it's ALL she eats.
2. An infatuation with flatulence:
On any given Saturday night, you can find a group of fraternity brothers sitting around eating afore mentioned dairy products and giggling about the intestinal trumpeting that results from a human overdose of cow's milk.
Likewise, Natalie has a lot of gas...a lot. Furthermore, she often seems to find her raucous sounds extremely amusing. Smiling broadly after particularly loud toots. I'm seriously waiting for her to ask me to pull her tiny finger.
3. Her incredible video game skills:
Natalie consistently beats me at Madden 2008. Alright, that was a lie...she always beats me.
4. The obsession with breasts:
No explanation necessary.
5. Partying all night. Sleeping till noon.:
I swear if I find a keg under her crib she's going straight to her grandparent's house.
6. Drinking too much:
While frat boys consume copious amounts of beer, often until they leave some of it in small puddles across campus mixed with the digested remains of all the dairy products they consumed earlier that night, Natalie chooses to regurgitate small amounts of milk...directly on my shirt.
7. Random grunting:
It's like they share some sort of secret language where grunts can take on countless meanings from I have to poop to boy I could really go for some dairy products right about now.
8. Napping Frenzy:
Seriously, is making it through the day without a nap too much to ask?
As you can see, I clearly have reason to be concerned. I was hoping that Natalie would grow out of this phase and prove she's not actually a college fraternity brother, however, perhaps the best approach is to join in...
How soon till she can pull my finger?
2 comments:
Okay, that does it, Mister. This is a travesty. Your wife issues this decree: Anything you write must now be approved by your wife before you can post it publicly!
Gee, I don't know, Sara - Josh has made a compelling case for your daughter being a frat brother. Let's let him run with this and see where it takes us. Lee
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