Two-Month Wasteland.

"Uh-Oh...nobody tell Al Gore..."






Yesterday I set a record; most diapers used in one changing session. But I totally blame Natalie.

She simply refused to cooperate. Apparently babies are funny that way.

Just when I thought there couldn't possibly be any more poop and began strapping on a new diaper, Natalie would smile an evil Dr. Evil-like smile (I went to school for writing), and soil another diaper, a few extra wipes, and the nation of Uruguay.

Being the loving father that I am, I simply laughed, called her a poopy-face, told her she was beautiful, and apologized to all Uruguayans (By the way, spell-checker isn't picking up Uruguayans, so apparently it's a word).

I calmly grabbed another diaper, cleaned up, waited a minute to make sure she was done and then slid diaper number three under her adorable little tush. (As a father, I am now legally allowed to use words like tush without raising any eye-brows. )

And it happened again. Another devilish smile. Another devilish outburst. This time she spared Uruguay but managed to soil her outfit.

But how quickly the eyes of a father forgive.

After another wipey-bath, I put her in a fourth diaper and set her in the crib. I quickly rinsed her dirty outfit and pulled another cute little get-up from the depths of her dresser, which is twice the size of mine. Her dresser is twice the size of mine because as I've been told by various female family members, little girls need lots of clothes they will never wear as part of some strange feminine rite of passage.

Once her next outfit was ready, I swooped back to her crib to find her contentedly looking at her mobile and wearing a grin that some might relate to what I was about to find in her diaper...

Finally, after another change, Natalie decided tormenting her father and small South American nations was boring. She shifted her attentions to a particularly interesting piece of her crib bumper and drifted, angelically, off to sleep.

We'd managed to run through five disposable diapers in one fell swoop.

Was I bothered that my daughter apparently has no concern for the health of our planet?
Sure.

But what really bothered me about the whole diaper fiasco was finding out my sweet little girl is a Republican.

(Editors note: I know, I know...I should be using cloth diapers but I am way too lazy and way too easily grossed out for cloth diapers. I applaud all those mothers who did it in the "olden" days and those modern moms with more motivation and gumption than me. The rest of you, who might be ready to point the finger, feel free to come visit for a week and bring those diapers with you. Natalie has something she would like to show you...)